dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
