Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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