You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
