I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
