I love black thongs
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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