we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
