i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
