dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
