She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
People in love make me want to vomit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
