Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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