I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
