So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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