Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
