That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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