They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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