What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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