TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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