Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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