When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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