i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
