my sisters under your porch take her home
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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