Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
