I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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