I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
