Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
