Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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