yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
