Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do vagina's smell?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
