im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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