Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Randomize
