I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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