All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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