Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
