they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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