I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
