I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
