Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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