Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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