and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
