if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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