i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
