she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
