No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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