Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
