I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
