Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
