if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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