why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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