hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
