So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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