He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
