i love accidental penises.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
