God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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