Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
